Have you noticed that commonplace words don’t quite mean what they used to? It’s a subtle but alarming shift when simple words such as “grooming,” “mirroring” and “fishing” take on entirely new meanings when it comes to the web and the threat of online predators.

Here are three words as a parent you may want to “re learn,” understand, and explain to your kids. 

1. Grooming. Predators are calculating. Online predators do not think the way you think or act the way you act. Their motives and minds work on a drastically different cog. So understanding a predator and teaching your family what to be on guard against takes learning about a whole other breed of human. Predators view tracking down a child online as a type of cat and mouse game. There’s triumph in the hunt for a predator. They invest a great deal of time—sometimes months—trying to get a child to trust them online and share personal information. This process is called grooming. While predators may be mentally disturbed, it does not mean they are stupid. They figure out what is lacking in a child’s life emotionally and find any way possible to try and fill those gaps. They use psychological ploys to gain trust and entry into the child’s world. Then they strike when they believe they have a solid bridge of trust with a child.
2. Mirroring. Predators are devious. They can pick up on a child’s emotional hot buttons and begin to “mirror” back those same emotions, which can create an instant bond of friendship or feeling of shared pain or understanding. If a child is bored day after day, a predator can make simple comments like “Tell me about it. There’s never anything to do here. My parents are always with their friends.” Or if a child says, “I hate my mom she’s such a nag,” a predator can pose empathy with a comment such as, “I can’t wait until I’m older and don’t have to put up with my parents.”
3. Fishing. Predators are shrewd. The term “fishing” in the predator realm is different from the “catfishing” story we posted a few weeks ago. Fishing is when a predator “fishes” for personal information from a child as a relationship is being built. This information can be about a child’s family routine, sports activities, or their likes and dislikes. The more information a predator can “fish” from a child, the more ways he can manipulate that information to gain trust and access to the child. Predators “fish” by scanning social profiles, online conversations, photos—and also by simply asking the child simple questions followed by more in-depth questions. Because a predator’s mind is criminal in its thinking, a child can make an innocent comment online such as “I can’t wait to go see Cinderella this weekend.” A predator can take that snippet of information, do a quick search, and figure out which high school is showing a production of Cinderella and—viola—the child has unwittingly divulged her location to the predator.

In part II on Thursday this week, we will list a few powerful tips on how to coach your kids on specific ways to spot a predator and make sure they are both savvy and safe online.

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Everyone remembers the day actor Morgan Freeman died. And when their beloved Mikey from the Life cereal commercials suddenly passed away. And just last month, we learned of the thwarted assassination attempt on President Obama when masked men broke into the White House.

Each of these “breaking news” stories soon proved untrue . . . except for the five or ten minutes they lived online. Those few minutes multiplied in minutes as millions of gullible people enthusiastically shared false information.

Before the web connected us all Urban Legends such as these often lived on for years. Today, thankfully, the rumors die out in an hour or two. Still, even the savviest web user can fall into the emotional potholes of sharing bogus information. This can be both embarrassing to the person posting and damaging to others depending on the content shared.

According to The New York Times, Snopes.com, one of the most popular fact-checking sites online, gets seven to eight million hits a month due to the growing number of online rumors.

Where to check facts:

• Snopes
• About Urban Legends
• Hoax Busters
• Is Twitter Wrong?
• Urban Legends Online

Commit to fact checking and teach your kids responsible posting habits when they are young. Take the time to convey the integrity and trust that is compromised—and the damage that can result—when false information moves from person to person. Advise them to be skeptical of celebrity death reports, free giveaways, shocking political claims and any scandalous story that does not come from a credible source.  

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In the age online sharing (and over sharing), opting for privacy is nearly becoming a social faux pas.

Think about it. Have you ever noticed the snub you get if you untag yourself from a photo, hide a post someone put on your page, or leave group conversations? Have you felt the digital shiver when you choose not to follow someone back or don’t accept a friend request? Make any of these social blunders online and you might find yourself unfriended off line.

We’d like to take this opportunity to offer a reality check and ever-so-kind reminder that any and all of these consequences really are okay. Just because everyone around you is caught up in the momentum of sharing every photo, every location, and every big (and marginal) detail of life, doesn’t mean you have to follow suit.

Don’t give in to the digital peer pressure to forgo privacy at every turn.

In fact, we encourage you to move in the opposite direction. That’s right, we’d rather you compromise your social life than compromise your privacy and personal safety.

The little things you do to strengthen your boundaries online will add up. Here are 7 easy things you can do to recover and safeguard your privacy online.

1. Revisit your settings. Go over your privacy settings on any social network you frequent. On Facebook make sure your default privacy setting is “Friends Only.” Also, use the “Custom” setting to achieve maximum privacy and to control who sees your content.
2. Edit, edit, edit! Go through your online photos or posts and take down any content that might reveal too much about your personal or family routine.
3. Become ageless. Delete your birthday, age, or birthplace on all social networks. This information could be useful to an identity thief or to data mining companies.
4. Toss your [cyber] cookies. Delete all cookies every time you leave a social networking site. You can do this by going to “Preferences” and choosing the “Privacy” icon on most PCs. The menu will allow you to pick and choose the cookies you want to delete since not all cookies are bad.
5. Lock your digital doors. If you’re connecting to the Internet through a wireless connection be sure to password protect that connection. View this safeguard the same way you would view locking your doors. Use a WPA type encryption and choose a password that would be very difficult for anyone else to guess.
6. Run anti-virus software. Having a strong antivirus program running on your computer is not only smart it’s critical. A worthy antivirus program will automatically remove any questionable files and give you protection from botnets, data thieves, and the latest threats to your privacy.
7. Click defensively. Be fully present and aware of the kind of content you are posting, with whom you are talking, and what links you click. This daily caution is equivalent to driving defensively. If it helps (and we believe it might), repeat this mantra before you log on: “It’s okay not to share, it’s okay not to share . . .”

Choosing privacy over sharing prompts (not everywhere online) will take intentional, daily effort before safe online habits become a way of life. The small measures you take today will go a long way in protecting you and your family into the future. Plug in this new way of thinking in your life and teach your kids to do the same. It’s worth it.

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When raising kids, parents wear a lot of hats: We become therapist, teacher, paramedic, coach, chauffeur, and referee. In today’s wired culture most of us can also confidently add “spy” to that list (I prefer superhero, but my kids insist on spy).

If you are like most engaged parents you may feel a wave of guilt now and then when you embark on your weekly spy duties. As a 007 parent you check your child’s phone, web history, monitoring reports (if you have filtering software), and, of course, you take the digital trek across his social channels, email, and texts. Oh, and don’t forget the random Google of his name.

From time to time we’ve had parents confess that they get tired of constantly checking up on their kids online and have decided to just stop the patrolling, trust their kids, and “deal” with whatever comes up.

I admit, that thought is tempting. Then I recall what coach Vince Lombardi once said: “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” Being a parent, I’d like to add the word “online” to the end of that sentence.

When you start to wilt on the online safety front and don’t feel like having one more conversation or checking one more Facebook feed, we want to encourage you to just stop and breathe deep. Refreshment is one nap away. Regroup, relax and starch your cape. See, your children need you to stay ahead of the curve and keep them stay safe on the digital streets. These days they need a superhero; refreshed and ready (even if they call you a spy).

Some powerful reminders:

1. The real consequences of letting go of the digital reigns will be greater than any fatigue, stress, or hassle you may “feel” in this moment.
2. Putting your head in the sand may save you from a few headaches, but turning a blind eye to your child’s online life is sure to cost your child far more.
3. If you don’t teach your child what’s acceptable and what’s not online or teach them how to handle tough situations, their peers will gladly do it for you.
4. Your child may not say it, but they prefer the “nagging” and “reminding,” to a parent who is hands off and casual about important things. All children need boundaries and structure to feel loved and valued. They just can’t (and won’t) verbalize it.
5. Parents can actually become highly efficient in monitoring online activity so that parenting a digital native feels more like protecting than “spying.” Internet filtering software is a must.
6. Information is power. The more you know, the better you can respond to threats around you, and the more capable you become. As confident, capable parents, we can raise confident, capable kids who make wise decisions online.
7. Teaching kids about cyber bullying, sexting, hackers, predators, scammers, privacy issues, reputation and conflict management, and how to communicate well online is no different than teaching them about finances, job hunting, or safe sex. It’s all part of the parenting package. You can do this.

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Whoa! Did you know the average online user has more than 25 different passwords to remember? This can make it a huge challenge to, first, keep track of passwords and, second, to make sure each password is hacker-proof. 

Today, May 7, is Password Day. We encourage you to spread the word to those in your on and off-line communities about the need to protect privacy and change personal passwords.

Try Intel’s fun, free tool “Are You Hackable or Uncrackable?” that will help you measure your Password Strength IQ and give you some great tips when you are finished on how to create an uncrackable password.

We recommend you change passwords for information-critical channels such as your financial institutions, email, social networks, and online stores.

The infographic (to the right) has some fun, easy to remember tips on how to create an unhackable password.

Here are some fun ideas to get you started:

Try making your password the answer to a movie trivia question. Fans of Monty Python might ask “What’s the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?” Password: “African or European?”

Or, think about your first kiss and describe it in a few words: “Wet and Sloppy?”, “Awkward & Shameful…”, “Rocked it like a Hurricane!”

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You may have overheard your kids talking about “catfishing” or someone getting “catfished.” No, they aren’t talking about gills, hooks, or vacationing on the lake. Rather, catfishing is a new digital sport that’s taking place online. The Urban Dictionary defines a “catfish” as “someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.”

Getting “catfished” means you’ve been duped into believing someone you’ve met on the Internet is a real person—even though they are completely fabricated by someone else. Catfishing is not cool if you are doing and it certainly isn’t fun if you are the one being lured, or “catfished” into a fictitious relationship. Catfishing scams also includes people faking cancer or other illnesses to raise funds online as well as predators who capture the emotions of underaged children online.

The new digital sport surfaced more publicaly in the case of Manti Te’o, star linebacker for Notre Dame. Manti Te’o was involved in a heartbreaking relationship with a young woman who lost her battle with leukemia . . . the only catch was that the girl he loved didn’t actually exist. Te’o says he had a very deep emotional connection with his girlfriend through emailing, Facebooking, and texts. A zealous male fan that has since apologized for tricking Te’o into the online relationship.

While you can’t be online 24/7 with your kids, here’s what you can do:

• Talk about stories in the news. Bring news headlines home for your kids. Talk about the emotional consequences of “catfishing” that can easily get out of control. There have been several catfishing stories that have ended in tragedy.

• Develop their digital street smarts. Teach your kids to be savvy to the scams and cheats online. Be real about the half-truths people may claim online. Anonymity breeds deception—and the Internet is rampant with abuse of gullible people looking for love or friendship.

• Monitor, monitor, monitor. By installing parental monitoring software you can track your child’s online interactions and spot troubling conversations early. Monitoring allows you to coach your child on appropriate conversations and remind them to be guarded with their feelings online.

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“Whaaaaaat?! No way! How did that happen?” My 12 year-old screeched from the couch, sat straight up, and locked shocked eyes on her phone. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked readying myself for some degree of bad news that was sure would follow.

Was it a terrible accident? A fall out with a friend? A bad grade from a teacher?

“This is crazy! How did I lose three Instagram followers in the last three hours?” she replied with acute disbelief.

My heart sank. Did my child really just say that?

Not only do I have to parent her through junior high drama, peer pressure, and her impending first heart break, now I have to help her navigate through friend and follower count fluctuations too?

Yes parent. That’s exactly what you need to do.

That’s the reality of parents in the 21st century land of social networks where “likes” and “follows” equal acceptance and “blocks,” low “likes,” and not getting “tagged” equates to straight up rejection.

This digital caste system flies in the face of our most savvy parenting techniques and maneuvers we so carefully designed to build up our kids’ self esteem and affirm their unique purpose and place in this world. Still, it is what it is.

Parenting today sure isn’t for the faint of heart—nor is it for the under informed. So exactly how do we help our kids through online social circles with their self-worth in tact?

Don’t criticize their need for approval. Your child’s attachment to this new digital vernacular may not make sense to you but it doesn’t have to. What your child feels is very valid and very real. Listen with empathy and be sure to acknowledge and accept her feelings. A “like” to kids today is like getting a mini applause for what they think and who they are. An “unfollow” is a form of rejection in their world.

Reaffirm them. Reassure your child in her opinions and talents and be generous (and genuine) with your praise.

Correct inaccurate beliefs. While you shouldn’t criticize your child’s reaction to criticism or attachment to the opinions of others, you can and should correct false thinking. For instance, you can clarify that “unfollows” are usually not personal—that people unfollow for a number of reasons and those actions don’t reflect you personally. If your child doesn’t get a million likes on their new profile picture and says, “I knew I should have never posted that ugly photo,” you can correct that comment immediately with the truth. If she voices doubt of her choice in jeans or her new haircut because it failed to garner the anticipated digital applause, be sure to speak to that misconception promptly. False perceptions can take root and become reality to kids so it’s important for parents to listen and respond with accurate statements. Basically parent: It’s your job to do do digital damage control—daily.

Give them eye contact. Give your child individual, daily, focused attention. One of the most powerful ways to convey unconditional love and acceptance is by giving a child your one-on-one, eye-locked, focused attention. Feeling secure and loved helps kids find their feet and stand their ground in a variety of circumstances.

Encourage hobbies. Help your child develop hobbies and interests (offline) that affirm her skills and highlight her individual perspectives and talents.

Balance online time. Monitor and help your child balance her online time as much as possible. Remember: She may walk around with her face in her phone, but you are still the boss—and likely the one paying the cell phone bill. You can and should set time limits on tech use.

Encourage critical thinking. Ask your child questions that encourage critical thinking outside of the online “group” mentality. For example: “I saw you ‘like’ Sally’s post. Would you post the same thing she posted? Why? How do you feel about that?” or “I like the comment you made on Sally’s post. That took a lot of courage. What prompted you to say that?”

Model laughter. Laugh with your kids and encourage them to laugh at themselves. This will help them cultivate a sense of humor. A healthy sense of humor will allow them to roll with the punches online, dodge daily drama, and forgo the need to be defined by follower counts and “likes.”

Teach positive self-talk. There’s a lot of wisdom to some of our childhood clichés such as “. . . words can never hurt me.” Teach your child how to develop power lines to help them keep their perspective online. Use some Taylor Swift self talk to help them recover from online digs such as “People throw rocks at things that shine.”

Go dark one day a week. Let your child pick the day but establish 24-hour period of no technology for your family. Offline time will temper the constant “urge” to check “likes” and follower numbers (as well as tighten the family bond).

Build a sense of belonging.  Every human being, a child especially, desires to feel accepted and a part of something bigger; a secure community. Take the time to help your child understand and take pride in her family, faith traditions, sports teams, ancestry, and community. Set aside intentional time to help her build a comforting sense of identity that will help her keep online approval and “likes” in their proper perspective. 

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Facebook clicked open it’s front doors to the world in 2004. With that one click, families worldwide were thrust into a whole new world of compromised privacy and safety—and parents faced an abrupt, new paradigm of how to raise kids online. After nine years and a multitude of safety missteps (and tragedies) online, Facebook and the U.S. Attorney General have combined brawn to create an official Internet Safety Education Plan.

This agreement, the latest between the parties, is being called the most extensive public-service partnership between the social network and law enforcement.

Our initial exploration of the improved resource concurs. The campaign obviously addresses the safety hot buttons first, which is reporting violations such as cyber bullying and hacking. It includes a new video series, called “Ask the Safety Team,” targeted at educating parents and students on how to stay safe online.
While this primary information has always existed in Facebook’s Help Center, the videos and downloadable privacy tip sheet do take the conversation and parent-Facebook engagement to a new level. This indicates a growing philosophy—and need for—shared responsibility for online privacy and safety, one that must include law enforcement.

The new resource offers:

• A Facebook Safety Page where campaign updates and resources will appear
• A series of videos that address how things work on Facebook
• Information on how to stay safe on Facebook
• A series of Q&A videos that answer common questions
• References to Facebook’s extensive Family Safety Center (which is very well done and packed with great information for parents and teens)
• An easy-to-understand privacy tip sheet

We applaud this latest move by Facebook and strongly encourage you to explore this resource and use it often to make online safety a way of life.

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Following the Boston Marathon tragedy this month, organizations such as Google leveraged technology to instantly connect people and assist in the logistics of the tragedy. 

No doubt, the Internet—which includes online news sites and social media platforms—is an increasingly popular and powerful channel to gather emergency information, coordinate resources, and give loved ones critical safety updates.

Such serious national events raise the question of family tech readiness. If a natural disaster or man-caused disaster such as terrorism affected your family tomorrow, how would you communicate?  How would you use technology ensure safety and recovery? What is the plan? Have you shared the plan with your family?

Here are just a few smart tips we’ve collected from great resources that can help you think through and solidify a family crisis communication plan.

Build an online presence. If you’ve shied away from social media or even texting on your mobile phone, growing reliance on the Internet for global communications in a disaster is a great reason to have at least a ‘presence’ before you need it.

Use Google Person Finder. This webpage will help you to reconnect with friends and loved ones in the aftermath of natural and humanitarian disasters. Search for “Google Person Finder” or go to http://www.google.org/personfinder. Help your kids bookmark the site on their phones or save the webpage to their mobile homepage.

Update your status’. No, it’s not frivolous to jump on Facebook, it’s powerful! During a disaster alert your loved ones about your location or needs with consistent Facebook or Twitter status updates.

Use social media via mobile. During a natural disaster, a laptop or PC may not be accessible. By having basic apps on your phone such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, you can stay connected with loved ones anywhere.

Save mobile power. Go into settings and turn off push and location notifications, close all apps, lower screen brightness, and turn off Bluetooth and 3G. Read written updates rather than watch TV or videos on your phone to save power.

Emergency apps: The Red Cross has two free apps: The Red Cross “shelter finder” app and the SOS Emergency app that puts first aid and CPR information at your fingertips. Both can be accessed at www.redcross.org/techready. FEMA’s Smartphone app lets you apply for disaster assistance, map disaster recovery centers and help you stay connected.

Register with the Red Cross. If you are involved in a disaster, go to The American Red Cross website on your mobile phone (www.redcross.org/safeandwell) and register on Safe and Well.

Get FEMA updates via text. Use your cell phone’s text messaging capability to receive text message updates from FEMA during a local or national disaster. Here’s how to sign up.

Store extra power for tech. Store extra batteries or chargers (hand-crank or solar) with your emergency preparedness kits or in an automobile, so your devices can remain powered.

Use ICE method. Program “In Case of Emergency” (ICE) contacts into your cell phone so emergency personnel can contact those people for you if you are unable to use your phone. Teach your kids to do the same.

Make a family contact sheet. This should include at least one out-of-town contact that may be better able to reach family members in an emergency. Save the contact in an accessible place and on your phone.

Use text, not voice. For non-emergency communications, use text messaging, e-mail, or social media instead of making voice calls on your cell phone to avoid tying up voice networks.

Preserve documents. Upload password protected copies of key documents to a backup or cloud drive that is secured in a remote location.

Download readiness kit. This is a great resource from FEMA and The American Red Cross designed to help you prepare for any kind of disaster. Download Be Red Cross Ready and go over it with your family today.

(Sources: FEMA, Facebook, The American Red Cross)

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Alas, it’s spring. Cleaning and organizing your home or office? This is a great time to go the extra step and spruce up your technology.

Here are four ways to think about your routine:

• Clean it up. A year of working online goes by in a flash and your technology pays for it. Use a can of compressed air to unearth any stray food, hair, or lint from your keyboard. Be sure to blow the air to the left or right so that the air doesn’t push crumbs further into your keyboard. Next, dab some alcohol on a cotton ball and clean the your keys, mouse, and area around your keyboard.  Don’t use a liquid cleaner of any kind. Use a lint-free cloth daily to keep the area clean.
• Free it up: Free up space on your PC. For a Mac, go into Disk Utility and click “Verify Disk.” Wait for it to finish and click “Repair Disk.” For windows, CHKDSK with the /F prompt, which will do the same thing. You should verify your disk every few months, just to make sure there’s not an issue with your hard drive or your installations. It’s also a good idea to go through your applications folder and delete any unused games, apps, or programs you no longer need.
• Back it up. Ok, you should do this once a week, not once a year but this nudge may serve as a reminder if you are behind in your backups. Use flash drives or an external hard drive to make sure all your files are safely stored. This is especially important if you have multiple people in a home using the computer or tablet. You will lose documents, downloads and important photos if you neglect this step.
• Lock it up. Spring is a great time to change your passwords. There are a ton of password generators out there. Once your computer is clean and passwords are new, it’s time to protect your PC by making the small but powerful investment of virus and security protection. McAfee All Access allows you to enjoy secure information across all your devices including PC, Mac, Smartphone, and tablet.

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