As part of the AskInternetSafety.com campaign, we will be periodically posting the questions we receive from our readers and answering them publicly. The following letter is a story we hear far too often, and one of the primary reasons our company was founded. We thought we would answer it on its own, because of the seriousness of the subject.

Dear AskInternetSafety.com,

I recently found out that my nine-year-old son has been looking at pornography on the internet. I am still reeling from this realization, but am trying to deal with it in the best way. The things he has seen are horrific. The worst images were on web pages advertising pornographic videos. There is nothing he hasn’t seen now.

I had no idea this was going on and our computer is in the open at home! He said that he didn’t want to look at the pictures, but it “was like something took over his mind.” He was crying and telling me that he wanted to die and that he didn’t know why he had done it.

What I want to know is what are the long-term effects of this type of exposure? I feel like how his father and I deal with this situation will have a great effect on him. I just don’t know what to do/say and what not to do/say.
—Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent:
You are already taking the right steps. Talking to your child frankly and openly about what he has seen and assuring him that he hasn’t done anything wrong is key to keeping the line of dialogue open. By talking openly with your son you have avoided one of the most common traps involving children and pornography, which is that most children try to process what they have seen on their own, leading to feelings of confusion and guilt.

Unfortunately pornography does harm children, but studies have shown that it is repeated exposure at an early age that is correlated with deviant behavior later in life. By cutting off the temptation at its source, you can effectively fight against the possibility of his exposure determining his disposition towards women and sex.

The number one item on your list should be getting a software filter such as Safe Eyes to block pornography and other unwanted material. Your son has been exposed, and that exposure has stirred feelings in him that won’t go away, and will likely get stronger as he gets older. Looking at pornography produces the same neurochemical reactions in the brain that many drugs do, and its up to you as a parent to help him resist by removing the constant temptations that the Internet presents.

We are not qualified to speak on the long-term impact of what he has seen. If you feel that your child needs further help you should consult a child psychologist or one of the web-based organizations that focus on addiction. XXXChurch has a blog for parents who are dealing with the same issues, and that could be a good place for some education on the subject.

Basically, get your computer protected immediately and continue to talk to your son. Counteract what he has seen with positive examples of your love, and your marriage.  Thank you for having the courage to share your story, and be assured that there are lots of other families going through exactly what yours is.
-AskInternetSafety.com

Filed under: Internet Safety Tips